Cooperative Care ...for babies!?
How positive dog training filters into everyday life.
Something that fascinates me is how behaviour is behaviour across all species. Whether it be your dog, a polar bear, a fish, or in this case, a child.
What prompted this is today in a Facebook group I’m in for babies the same age as my little one (11 months), someone asked about brushing teeth. They were struggling with their baby and asked “Should I just hold her down and get it done?” A lot of the comments agreed with this- yes, hold her down, it’s important to get her teeth brushed.
This is where I recognize and love how dog training has influenced how I raise my son, and concepts within dog training that are important to me have crossed over into motherhood.
Choice. I want my son to be able to make his own choices, or how else can one really learn to make good ones. I want him to be empowered to say yes or no. I realize sometimes things need to be done. You can’t not brush your teeth for days, you have to wear shoes outside, and you need to have sunscreen on… but how we pose these scenarios makes all the difference. “Do you want to brush your teeth with me right now? Or in 5 minutes?” “Would you like the red shoes or the blue shoes on today?” “Shall we put sunscreen on our legs first or arms first?” Like positive dog training, parenting like this isn’t permissive either, I don’t mean letting your kid run the show from dawn til dusk.
Positive associations. Especially in these formative years. Just like puppies have critical periods for socialization and imprinting, so do babies. Creating positive associations with things now hopefully means they aren't such a problem later.
Trust. With my dogs, I am their safe place. I am also my son’s safe place. “With me, no harm will come and reinforcements will flow.” -Dr. Susan Friedman. I have their back. If things get scary, I will help them through it. So no, I’m not going to pin a 10 month old baby down to brush his teeth. What is most important to me is solidifying a trusting relationship between us and creating a positive association with teeth brushing. As with puppies, if something traumatic happens during these formative years (or any time really) it can stick with you. One negative experience will stick in your memory, even in your subconscious, and it can take a lot of work to undo. Personally, I’m terrified of the dentist after my very first visit was an unpleasant one, so maybe that’s partly why I’m conscious about a positive tooth brushing experience for Everett.
So what do I do?
My super professional looking set of screenshots from a video I took of us brushing teeth.
Start button behaviour. Much like in cooperative care with dogs (nail trims or ear drops for example), I start our brushing routine with a start button behaviour. I open my own mouth and say “aaah!” like you would when asking a child to open their mouth. He opens, and this is my signal that I can brush his teeth. If he closes his mouth, I take the brush out and stop. I give it some time, ask “aaahh” again, and repeat. Sometimes I’ll try to encourage him and make it fun by pretend brushing my own teeth with his brush and being a bit silly about it. Then I’ll ask “aaahhh” again and brush. I give verbal praise after each set, “good brushing!”
I started brushing Everett’s teeth (or gums and tooth) when he was 6 months old. I didn't think about a training plan, it just came naturally to me to do it this way (thanks to my dogs). Babies are almost easier than dogs in some aspects because they like to mimic us and find verbal praise quite reinforcing. I sure wish I could cut my own nails and say to Marlowe “look! Good nail clipping! Let’s do yours.” Haha.
Chirag Patel’s “Bucket Game”- a start button behaviour for dogs
Another thing I wanted to touch on is setting the environment up for success. I often see posts in the mom/baby groups about diaper changes getting frustrating as babies get older. This is true, my little man now likes to alligator roll while we are trying to change him. And it’s crazy how strong he is!
Set them up for success.
Instead of fighting and getting frustrated, rearrange the environment however you can to set your subject up for success. I keep a little basket of playthings on our change table and as soon as I lay Everett down I give him something to hold onto. It can be a teether of some sort, something that jingles, or right now he’s really into tiny board books. He can hold these by himself and it keeps him happy, occupied, and still while I change him.
I hope you didn't mind this slightly off-topic post. Two years ago I never thought I’d be interested in the subject of babies but I guess that changes when you have your own. Training is a lifestyle, the concepts learned can be used in every day life with the people around you. Behaviour is behaviour, whether it’s a dog or a baby, or your husband(!), and that is quite cool. Maybe next time I’ll write about cooperative care for dogs!